Defending Haruhi's Toe
by Silverwing013
Summary: Attention Host Club, meet commoner's magic and the demons they fight against! Greetings Spirit Detectives, meet crazy civilians and excellent technology! Please note that Tamaki's "real word of the day" is not actually a real word.


**Defending Haruhi's Toe**

Attention Host Club, meet commoner's magic and the demons they fight against!  
Greetings Spirit Detectives, meet crazy civilians and excellent technology!

Please note that Tamaki's "real word of the day" is not actually a real word.

**OHSHC-YYH-OHSHC-YYH- OHSHC-YYH-OHSHC-YYH- OHSHC-YYH-OHSHC-YYH**

"Let's explore everyone! We've been to Haruhi's many times but we have never actually looked around the area. We should make sure my daughter is safe!"

The blonde haired boy bounced around the room, sneaking and peeking through the windows of Haruhi's small apartment.

The twins took the time to grab Haruhi and run. "Adventure, adventure with Haruhi!"

"Get back here with my daughter you homosexual twins!" The blonde's voice screeched out.

"No way!"

**OHSHC-YYH-OHSHC-YYH- OHSHC-YYH-OHSHC-YYH- OHSHC-YYH-OHSHC-YYH**

Kyoya yawned, not willing to put effort into hiding his boredom. Mori walked in front of him, Hunny zipping about to point out various things to his cousin. Tamaki was excited at every small thing, asking Haruhi about everything and discovering half the time the twins had pulled her away. Really, Tamaki had forgotten the original reason for the trip.

"I need to go shopping Tamaki-senpai," Haruhi stated. "Go ho—"

A dark haired boy clad in jeans and a white t-shirt shoved his way past Haruhi, racing off. A taller boy in some public school uniform ran past as well. "Urameshi! You don't shove at a girl! Sorry miss!" And with that last call back, sending a beaming a smile to Haruhi, the taller boy ran-slash-skidded around the corner after Urameshi.

"Why those ruffians," Tamaki yelled out in indignation. The twins nodded in agreement with Tamaki's next yell. "How dare you harm my daughter!"

"Haru-chan is hurt!?" Hunny cried out with a wail.

A clearing of throat stopped all commotion of the twins and Tamaki checking over Haruhi, Hunny's tears, and Mori fusing around both Haruhi and his cousin. The group turned to see a well-groomed red head standing behind them, the long red hair making the twins grin at each other. Kyoya raised an eyebrow, recognizing the maroon uniform.

"Daughter? Pardon, did those two hurt you?"

"I'm fine," Haruhi said evenly.

"Who does your hair?" The twins flickered about, pulling and testing the hair. The red head glared over at the pair.

"Damn rich bastards," Haruhi muttered.

Screams suddenly echoed down the street, people shoving as they ran. The red head gave a look down the street suddenly clearing out of the way of something not seen. "Really? That impatience with a rescue mission could harm the victims more. Hiei." The last word snapped out sharply. A small and strangely dressed boy was suddenly there, making the group jump at the sudden appearance. "Find the victims now that they have his attention."

"Hn." The strangely dressed boy disappeared into thin air.

"Magic! Commoner's magic! My daughter, you have hid this from me!?"

The red head stared at the blonde haired idiot with the rest of the group. People continued running around their silence, all yelling about demons. "Yes, well, if you all could get out of this area. It is not—"

"I want to see this commoner's magic!"

"We want to meet this demon! It's like Bossa-Nova! Come Haruhi, you can tame the demon!" The twins playfully yanked Haruhi in the opposite direction of the screaming people.

"YOU DEVIL TWINS! COME BACK WITH HAURHI! SHE IS NOT SAFE LIVING HERE!"

Tamaki raced off after the twins, Hunny and Mori following closely behind. Kyoya sighed. Was he the only one in the group to realize DANGER was in that direction? He opened his mouth to threaten the scattered group. It proved too late as a massive wall of vines sprouted from the ground, preventing them from reaching the dangerous area.

The red head was gone.

**OHSHC-YYH-OHSHC-YYH- OHSHC-YYH-OHSHC-YYH- OHSHC-YYH-OHSHC-YYH**

"Yanno you didn't have to put that big wall up Kurama! The civilians were running away from here," the dark haired boy yelled out.

"Saying civilians doesn't make you sound smart or concerned Urameshi!" The taller boy slashed the minor demons out of the way. "Where the hell did these guys come from?! I thought it was only Jiroshite!"

"Shaddup Kuwabara."

"We had civilians running toward here," the red head named Kurama explained calmly. The rose whip in Kurama's hand slashed at the minor demons. "They weren't sane. Or at least the one wasn't sane."

"Whatever. Now baby breath can't yell at me for using my SPIRT GUN!"

A large blue blast took out the whole store Jiroshite had been running his operation. Kurama and Kuwabara sweat dropped at the devastation. "Yusuke," Kurama began with a slight tick to an eyebrow.

"URAMESHI! YOU COULD HAVE KILLED ALL OF THEM!"

Yusuke Urameshi waved his favorite digit at Kuwabara and grinned. "Hiei got them. Didn't you three eyes?"

The strangely dressed boy, Hiei, stared at Yusuke, silently agreeing with Kuwabara. It was NOT something he was going to say out loud. Kuwabara was the idiot. But Yusuke could be one too with that extreme trust he placed onto Hiei's speed.

"Hn. You still need to find where Jiroshite is detective." Hiei glanced back at the group of victims behind him, slashing his sword to kill the last minor demon. "That's the last of Jiroshite's minions."

"All right! Jiroshite, I've got very poor sportsmanship when playing seeker so you better come out now or I'll do more than just kick you into prison!"

"Don't worry Urameshi," Kuwabara crowed out. "I make an awesome seeker! I'll find that bastard before you do!"

Hiei blinked at the arguing pair and then turned to Kurama. "Playing seeker?"

Kurama smiled. "It's a human game for children, Hide and Seek. They hide from the one seeker, the seeker attempting to find the ones hiding."

"A stealth game? Is it similar to the trial of Covert for demons joining a bandit group?"

"Similar except for the fact no one dies."

Hiei glanced over to the pair still arguing, eyes trailing over the taller Kuwabara. "Pity."

**OHSHC-YYH-OHSHC-YYH- OHSHC-YYH-OHSHC-YYH- OHSHC-YYH-OHSHC-YYH**

Poke, poke. Prod, prod. Tappity tap tap. Pause. Poke, poke.

The group had sat at the edge of the wall of vines. Tamaki was dashing about, testing out the wall with a determined look to his face. Hunny managed to find some cake down the street earlier and was happily eating it while watching the other blonde. Hunny's ever present stuffed bunny sat next to Hunny, Bun-Bun happily included in the massive cake eating. Kyoya had sat his laptop down, tip-tapping away with a glint to his glasses. Scared by the glint, no one bothered Kyoya, the infamous Shadow King.

Sadly the twins did not deal well with sitting still for long periods of time. "This is bor-ring!"

"Then do something," Kyoya snapped out. He grinned, leaning close to his laptop. "Found you," he almost purred out. The twins shuddered at the tone and look the Shadow King had. Deciding quickly they didn't want to stick around a scheming Kyoya, the twins set off to explore the area. It was quiet; the only noise came from Kyoya's laptop. Then an identical pair of screams.

"DEMON!"

Everyone looked as the twins ran back to the group, fear and shock on their face. They were ignored.

"Demon's aren't real, are they Takashi," Hunny asked Mori. Mori shook his head and Hunny went back to his cake.

"We really mean it!"

"He was almost seven feet tall," Hikaru said in awe.

"With GREEN scales for skin," Kaoru added in.

"And two horns…"

"Like two wickedly long thorns!"

"He was enormous, huge, big!"

"Oh! And that nose! Squished down nose like a pig!"

"It's not a trick," the twins demanded together. "We got to be quick—"

"Useful meat," a rough deep voice spoke, rich pride and conceit. "Now I can have a feast."

The twins jumped into action, pointing out the fact they were correct with much satisfaction. "See? There's the beast!"

Haruhi turned around to face the readers. "What's with the sudden use of rhyming?"

"Timing too perfect but it was a nice act with full costume and make-up," Kyoya said. "Who'd you hire to come here so quick?"

"It's not a trick!"

**OHSHC-YYH-OHSHC-YYH- OHSHC-YYH-OHSHC-YYH- OHSHC-YYH-OHSHC-YYH**

"Damnnit! Jiroshite should be in here, he can't fly out of here! He somehow escaped!"

"First, if you managed to read the file Yusuke, you would find Jiroshite cannot fly. And second of all, my vines would not allow his escape," Kurama spoke evenly. However, the way Kurama's head turned, let everyone know of the annoyance of Yusuke forgetting.

"Hey," Kuwabara said suddenly. "What if he wasn't in here? We only fought his minions. He could have been, you know, out getting the groceries…so to say."

Yusuke groaned. "We'll have to search EVERYWHERE then! Damnnit!"

"Quit complaining detective," Hiei snapped. "You should have waited like Kurama said."

"Shuddup! If we waited, he could have been eating more people!"

"Such heroics," Hiei toned dryly before disappearing.

**OHSHC-YYH-OHSHC-YYH- OHSHC-YYH-OHSHC-YYH- OHSHC-YYH-OHSHC-YYH**

The seven foot tall man with green scales and sharp horns on his head leaned down and sniffed his very pig-like nose at Haruhi. "Mmm. Human females always make for much tastier meat." The whole group of guys stiffened as the man tossed Haruhi over his shoulder, taking off the sandal close to his face, and opened his wide mouth.

Cake was shoved into his mouth, a small blonde blur attacking the man's face. "Eating my friend's toe is unacceptable!"

With a great shove at the blur, the man sent Hunny flying. Flipping in the air with Haruhi in hand, Hunny landed in a crouch and glared up at the large man. Hunny may have been deflected but he did manage to get Haruhi from the man's grasp. He glanced over to Mori, shifting into another position as he nodded with his taller cousin. Their eyes turned to the man peering beadily at Haruhi over his pig-like nose.

'Too late my precious human', Bun-Bun exclaimed.

"STARLIGHT KICK!"

Tamaki burst in from midair, heroic looking pose as his foot struck the seven foot tall man, continuing to fly over the giant of a man. Tamaki landed and a "phwaw" noise sounded as the taller blonde thrust his left hip out and hand on hip. His free hand flew before his face with a "thwah" noise, positioned in the "V" for victory sign, and head struck backwards his blonde hair arching with a corresponding "saaaah" noise. Lights sparkled about Tamaki.

Curious, most of the group looked about. Kyoya raised an eyebrow from over his laptop. With a click, the lights sparkling about Tamaki disappeared. Eyes became saucers upon realizing the Shadow King helped display Tamaki's show of asinine heroics. "Tamaki, you do realize dramatic posturing of heroics is not actual heroics? And may I point out…it did not down him for long."

Tamaki, wide eyed, whipped his head around to see Mori and Hunny currently fighting the seven foot tall man.

"It's not like you to encourage him Kyoya," Haruhi stated. She was briefly worried at the man Mori and Hunny were currently attacking. Kyoya smirked.

Tamaki bolted in to help gang up on the giant man who dare touch Haruhi that way. The anxious twins, prone to not wanting to be left out of…**_enjoyable_ **club activities such as this, dove right it and gleefully punched and pulled away at the green scaled man.

"I was wrong," a voice said from behind them. Haruhi and Kyoya turned to see the red head from before looking aghast at the fight on the now empty street. "None of you are sane. Attacking a dangerous criminal like this and pretending heroics."

"Huh." The taller boy stated from beside the red head. "Kurama's right, we had crazy civilians. Urameshi! If it wasn't for Kurama then these crazy civilians would be dead!"

"Shaddup Kuwabara! They're still alive, ain't they?"

The dark haired boy threw the taller one, Kuwabara, a look. Then Urameshi looked back to the group attacking the seven foot man. He shook his head. "Crazy idiots, stupider than Kuwabara on empty stomach, filled with sake and _love_."

Urameshi tilted his head and batted his eyes at Kuwabara, wide grin signaling the open taunt.

"**_Urameshi!_**"

"I think…"

"We have just been…"

"Insulted of protecting our precious toy!"

The twins finished up their vocal production together, a kicking finish to the giant man's weakest spot. There was no way that giant was going to hurt Haruhi in any way now. The two turned around and glared at Urameshi. They blinked in shared surprise as Urameshi was currently in a playful scruff around with Kuwabara. Playful scruff?

Hunny and Mori had finished up the horned man a while ago and the cousin duo stood off to the side watching. Tamaki and the twins had merely felt the need to continue punishing the comatose giant man for attempting to literally eat Haruhi.

Tamaki, now alone, continued punishing away; screaming at the unconscious man for daring to touch his daughter **AND** looking not looking like a proper gentleman **AND** not acting like a proper gentleman to a girl **AND** attempting to eat her **AND** for attempting to detoe his beautiful daughter **AND** yes, detoe was a real word **AND** especially at this time, for this despicable action **AND** to his perfect daughter nonetheless **AND** for doing something so horrendous it should be classified as—

"Tamaki," Kyoya merely said.

Ah, the beauty of one word and one that wasn't **AND** combined with Tamaki's dramatics. Tamaki halted in mid-speech and realized the man was down for the count. Confused, he was the only one still defending Haruhi's honor. It was then he realized the audience.

"I apologize for my despicable actions in front you my lady," he flourished out to Kurama. Taking Kurama's hand, he leaned over and kissed it. "I dearly and _utterly_ hope you may forgive me, my actions were of knightly duty proper of any gentleman even in today's unromantic times! I merely wish to protect you from the horrors men of today can be to such a beautiful lady!"

Kurama's two companions, Urameshi and Kuwabara, sputtered out into full out laughter and rolled wonderfully about the street with tears gushing. Confused by the reactions, Tamaki pulled away slight and peered at Kurama.

"Have I said something foolish? I have! You do not believe in such chivalry of today's times!? Is it that you enjoy role reversal? Are your tastes not swayed towards men," Tamaki asked with a gasp.

"Tamaki," Kyoya cut into Tamaki's speech once more. However, this time, it failed.

Urameshi and Kuwabara were past dying from laughter at this point, barely able to speak. "Kurama…that guy…role reversal…!" The pair burst a new into fresh laughter as Tamaki's flustered words of apology continued onward. "Make him stop!"

It was Kurama's snappish words that finally got Tamaki to stop for the beautiful lady. And then Tamaki processed the snappish words. The very clear words, short, sharp and to the point. "I'm a boy."

Tamaki's face went blank as he stared at Kurama. "…A boy?"

The twins burst out laughing at Tamaki's wonderful mistake. Tamaki turned perfectly red and stuttered.

Kyoya shook his head at the blonde and turned to Kurama. "My apologies. Sadly, this is not the first occasion Tamaki has mistaken genders."

"MOTHER! SO CRUEL, HOW DARE YOU SAY SUCH THINGS!?"

Kyoya glanced down to Tamaki clutching incredulously to his pant leg and spoke dryly. "Yes, father, how can I say such truthful things?"

An arrow slashed through Tamaki and he fell, whimpering "Mother" to himself. The twins clutched each other in their gales of laughter. Hunny smiled, not a care to the green scaled man now that he was down for the count. Mori silently blinked at a nearby poster with a Siberian husky and Pomeranian, and tilted his head in intense thoughts.

"I kind of feel sorry for Jiroshite," Kuwabara whispered loudly to Yusuke beside him.

"I hardly think worry of the possible side effects will leave this group worse for the wear. They're hardly sane. Taking down a demon of that nature, not one worry over the matter or if Jiroshite will come to, joking around even when they did take him down… I have to wonder how the hell they managed it…_even _**_if_ **I did watch them take Jiroshite down." Kurama shook his head in disbelief.

"Well Hiei hates most humans enough. He won't touch their minds," Yusuke said. "You'd have to erase memories."

"You think anyone would believe anything they say," Kuwabara asked skeptical.

Kyoya turned, curious by the other group talking to each other. He wondered if he should point out whom exactly they were; threaten them by ways of family. Kyoya didn't care with the easy way they spoke of "erasing memories" as if such a thing were readily possible. Kurama caught Kyoya looking in their direction.

"They'd be believed," Kurama said dryly. "I know their type well."

Kyoya tilted his head downward, eyeglasses flashing and a small grin forming. Hunny and Mori had been listening from not that far away, the pair moving next to Kyoya. Hunny scowled dangerously. "Hurting my friends is a big no-no. You wouldn't want to break the big no-no Kurama."

However, with a burst of pollen, any advantage Kyoya thought he gained over the group's talk of erasing memories disappeared. But then again, what would Kyoya have to gain on something he did not remember? What would Hunny and Mori have to fight against a red headed boy they did not remember? What second gender mishap of Tamaki's would the twins laugh at if they never knew of it occurring?

What point would there be to defending Haruhi's toe?

**OHSHC-YYH-OHSHC-YYH- OHSHC-YYH-OHSHC-YYH- OHSHC-YYH-OHSHC-YYH**

Two weeks later Kyoya watched the most interesting video recording on the laptop so far in its existence. With a calculating smile, he reached a hand over and picked up his cell phone.

"Hello madam, I was wondering if Shuichi Minamino is currently home. Ah, he is?"

Kyoya spun about in his chair, clicking a mechanical pencil over his laptop monitor.

"Oh, my reason for calling? It's just something he was asking me to look over a couple of weeks ago about a trip to the Kurama Onsen. You're upcoming birthday? I won't say."

Kyoya paused to click onto another screen. "It's quite a son you have there. I remember meeting him once before, at the hospital. It was quite good news to hear you were well from my father and a new husband. Congratulations. Wait, what was that you said? Shuichi's coming down the stairs? Could you place him on the phone please?"

Kyoya's glasses glinted.

"Excellent."

**OHSHC-YYH-OHSHC-YYH- OHSHC-YYH-OHSHC-YYH- OHSHC-YYH-OHSHC-YYH**

**Author's Note: **This is not meant to be taken too seriously. It is more comedic. I wrote this some time ago and have been meaning to place it up on this account. (Literally, I wrote this probably 5 years ago, so quite some time ago) These are my two favorite animes...YuYu Hakusho as the old favorite and Ouran High School Host Club as the newer favorite. This was the two of them being squished together.


End file.
